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Post by Zeritia on Sept 1, 2014 2:13:25 GMT
Entry 1: I have decided to use this codex sent by my Father, Kharn Lord of Battle to write down my repertoire of unique magical abilities..specifically my own Creation Demon Thunder...but before you shall learn of my magical creation, you must learn of my past. In my next entry you shall see the origins of a Demon, a warrior, a noble,a butcher,...but above all else in the end these titles all are for naught but the title of Father is the one I take pride in the greatest.
To hold the love and affection of another being is...how a human I once met said it 'Euphoric' the feeling in my Black Heart allowing me to fight. harder and faster then I ever did before the twisted thing my sister sends me that she calls 'Love' is naught but a poor man's joke!...But I digress I shall finish this entry on a final note. A demon's love is possibly one of the greatest thing to give and reciprocate but......tempt to irk or harm the demon's loved ones and you shall never know peace as long as that demon lives for all of creation couldn't hope to save you from him..let alone save you from me!
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Post by CosmicBehemoth on Sept 1, 2014 2:21:29 GMT
With some hilarity, my first thought upon reading the title was that it was a fiction about Jim Butcher going across the world fighting the supernatural entities that would inspire the Dresden Files
I'll read it in full when I get back home.
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Post by Zeritia on Sept 1, 2014 2:23:15 GMT
Ah cool and my thanks.
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Post by draco on Sept 1, 2014 2:45:39 GMT
Ahh, interesting. Will read
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Post by Zeritia on Sept 1, 2014 16:58:05 GMT
Entry 2: I shall skip my short child-hood for it pertains to little of much significance , I shall begin..with my first contact with humanity at large. I was young a mere fifteen years old when I crossed dimensions and landed on hard brown soil. The Lords and Nobles of Hell spoke of a promising new world that could be of use in the future and so I decided to brave this new world against my Father's wishes. I knew not where I was or what it was called, later on I would find out later that I was in ancient Greece specifically Athens.
Where I was met by several strange looking creatures that were pale white in complexion with hair on their heads and in different sizes some short and fat while others tall and lanky. I was instantly curious and decided to investigate further, A mistake on my novice mind at the time. They screamed and spoke in at the current time foreign language that I knew nothing off. As they screamed and ran some gathered what appeared to be weapons and attempted to do me harm. As the weapons bounced off my skin I reacted with excessive force and began to rip them apart with their own weapons. A sharp blade on a long wooden shaft that at first I was extremely clumsy with due to my inexperience.
But my mind was honed by training my father personally gave me and so I learned fast. Soon the area was smeared with broken weapons, blood, and corpses.....I remember clearly the feeling I felt after it was all said and done. Anger at the creatures for attacking me, curiosity at why they attacked, anxiety of what would my father would think, and above else...Exhilaration the fighting no matter how meager it was...it was....great! I never felt so alive till that day, as I pierced the bodies of the creatures and saw the fear in their eyes.....I reveled in it! I wanted more..to see more of them die and watch the light in their eyes leave them as death takes them.
...But I was growing frightened as well...A storm was brewing..it was getting close and closer.... so thank the Council that A portal was opened by my father appeared before me, I leapt through and the portal sealed shut behind me. Once I was in the safety of The Citadel my Father scolded me for disobeying him...but was also intrigued of what I discovered.....Once I shared what little info I had to give he smiled and sent me away punishment forgotten...As I later cleaned myself of the blood that stained my body I noticed I still held the weapon that I had used that day in my hand...To this day that spear sits as my first trophy..the first of many trophies.
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Post by CosmicBehemoth on Sept 2, 2014 1:52:10 GMT
Commentary difficult, since I've been feeling down today, so I'll keep it simple.
Pros: You seem to have a good energy imbued in the narrative, which is great.
Considerations: A little on the short side per-chapter, and possibly as a consequence I don't really feel like I've learned much about who he is. You have shown us what he is-a demon of noble lineage, with some tendencies to disobey, but as of yet we don't know quite so much as his very name. People oft are curious about the complexities of their protagonist, the details that help make characters feel alive. It always behooves one to help us get to know the people we're reading about; helps forge a sense of connection.
Not bad for starters.
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Post by Zeritia on Sept 2, 2014 2:14:44 GMT
Entry 3: I had spent the next several months looking for a means to interact with the creatures I had learned were called 'Humans' my search led me to sorcerers, Succubi (Was at my age mentally scarred from all the debauchery that was afoot on the Succubi's Domain), their counterpart Incubis (.....I still dare not go there to this day) until finally I decided to approach my Father on the problem. He arranged me too meet with someone that I had not met before...My Grand Father. I knew not the relationship my Grand Father and Father had at the time so I approached the small abode that was my Grand Father's hut with extreme caution.
Once I had rapped the door twice it was snatched open and I was greeted to the sight of a most terrifying visage....I still don't remember his form due to the terror it struck deep into my heart that I was temporarily blinded. Some time later once I had awoken I was inside the much larger residence then It appeared that the being that was my Grand Father hid himself beneath a colossal curtain. Once I had explained my reasoning of the visit and who I was...My Grand Father's voice became jolly and even inviting. A steep difference from his original aggressive and hateful voice. After we had established a positive bond we returned to the business at hand....
He told me he could help me with my cause. Thus I spent weeks at his abode learning the ways of shape shifting.....though I never mastered shape-shifting only accomplishing my primary objective of assuming a human form, I failed miserably at taking other forms besides that of a human and my own. We shared our goodbyes and I departed for home once more. I was ready to make contact with the humans once more.
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Post by Zeritia on Sept 2, 2014 2:16:36 GMT
Commentary difficult, since I've been feeling down today, so I'll keep it simple. Pros: You seem to have a good energy imbued in the narrative, which is great. Considerations: A little on the short side per-chapter, and possibly as a consequence I don't really feel like I've learned much about who he is. You have shown us what he is-a demon of noble lineage, with some tendencies to disobey, but as of yet we don't know quite so much as his very name. People oft are curious about the complexities of their protagonist, the details that help make characters feel alive. It always behooves one to help us get to know the people we're reading about; helps forge a sense of connection. Not bad for starters. Well instead of a Story I decided to work with a "Journal Style" Feel of the story. That and his 'Introduction' will be in Entry:4 |
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